A Hung-Over Rant about Verizon

I was greeted this morning by that familiar throbbing head that always hangs around after a night of being able to drink adult beverages. It over-stayed its welcome…

Then when I opened up my computer, I remembered that I sat down to write last night’s post. It was a fairly unintelligible rant about technology, featuring the classic line “it’s not liek they have to give a shit about their customers. All they have to do is to not throttle so damn muhc.” [copy/pasted from the original, misspelled draft].

The rest was me apparently seeing how much I could drop the F-bomb in the context of a NaBloWriMo post…

I’m not going to talk about that. Instead, I’m going to make fun of Verizon for a second.

So I’m sure that you’ve seen the above image, plastered on the TV at some point. It’s Verizon’s “share everything” plan, and boy do they love that plan. Every time I call Verizon, they tell me how this is a much better plan than the one I have already, which is fine; that’s what they’re supposed to do.

I don’t care that they love it so much. I think it’s a horrible idea, but I hate having to sign a contract for phone service that will last two years, not because I’m morally opposed to contracts, but I hate it because how the shit am I supposed to know what kinds of data usage I’m going to need in two years? Did you know that the Iphone is only 5 years old?


Since it popped up, the cellphone landscape has changed tremendously.

So how do I know what’s going to happen in a year or two?

Anywho, back to that picture… Anything strike you as odd? The first 6,324 times I saw it, I didn’t realize why I hated it so much, but that 6,325th time, I realized something.

They’re all trapped in that plan. Yes, they have a bunch of toys to play around with in there, and they all seem fairly content with tapping away as this huge corporate contract keeps them all controlled and contained. What happens in a year when the new game-changer comes out, threatening the fundamental assumptions and expectations of the mobile landscape? Well, they keep on tapping and swiping on their pooled data plans, waiting until that contract ends and they can go out and do something new.

Well that seems to me like a whole lot of pointless throttling of possibilities. Contracts hurt the agility of people to follow the trends and embrace new applications of technology. They keep us contained, docile, like a legless cow, chewing the cud of corporate greed.


Time for Tylenol and coffee and water and emergen-C. And probably bacon.



One thought on “A Hung-Over Rant about Verizon

  1. From what I’ve read of the plan, the reason why Verizon likes it so damn much is because they’ll make out like bandits in the process.

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